Keep reading to find out what researchers have determined is truly attractive, and what YOU can easily DO NOW to get more of the kind of love, connection, and goodness you really want in love, at work, and in life.
TOO MANY WORDS? Go ahead and skim. But get your key and follow along when we get to the list, smartie!
Here’s how to get the most from this post:
1. Keep reading. I’ll give you information about what is truly attractive (based on years of cross-referenced research, not opinion.)
2. You assess honestly and decide where you want to increase your attractiveness. Don’t shy away from the hardest things. We’re going to DO something about this. (When you get the Attraction Key, you’ll have a chance to specifically measure yourself in each of the ten areas.)
3. Go get your FREE Attraction Key and start unlocking your natural attractiveness. I’ll give you real wisdom on HOW to increase your attraction level by taking practical action one little thing at a time. You get to choose what to use.
4. Get to work trying out the simple adjustments in those areas, one at a time, for just three days at a time and observe what happens! You will get results. It will change things. It’s going to make your life a whole lot better. It just will.
What will happen: Real Attraction makes a Real Difference
- You will feel measurably better. Your mood will lift. Your perspective will change. You’ll be more optimistic.
- You’ll actually notice (without doing anything to consciously make it happen) that you are getting more done. Things will go more smoothly and when you face a challenge, it won’t seem as big.
- You’ll notice others responding to you more positively. You’ll get more connection and attention where you want it and not where you don’t.
- Life will BE better. You will be happier. You’ll experience more joy.
- You’ll HAVE more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
If you’re not attracting what you want, figuring out how to STOP attracting what you don’t want and START attracting what you really want is KEY.
Grab your KEY now and use it as we go through the list. Or just keep reading to explore the top 10 things great men your age find attractive.
1-5. The top five Attraction Factors to a Great Guy
Men and women the world over reported these two qualities as the top two: kindness and intelligence. I bet that makes perfect sense to you. Don’t worry; intelligence IS something you can enhance. Being the smartest is not necessary. Being aware, interested, and willing to learn are all part of being intelligent.
Men list next playfulness, youthfulness, and being good-looking. That’s whatever he considers to be good-looking. Trust me, the range in that description is a lot wider than you might be thinking. Suffice it to say, it’s best if a woman takes good care of her appearance. This does NOT mean you need to alter your appearance or frame or style. Just take good care of what you’ve got. Grooming. Hygiene. Take the time to make an effort. It matters. (Don’t worry, ladies, we want men to do this too.)
As far as being playful and youthful, these two elements have to do with openness and warmth. Of course, men find this attractive! If you can truly play, it means you feel safe in the world, (or at least you feel safe in the moment) and it’s really attractive. Being youthful is not about looking like a 25-year old. Honestly, it’s not. That youthful approach to life is all about vitality and liveliness; it’s about sparkle and optimism. Think of this as being able to be carefree and light…at least sometimes!
6. Let him know you like him
On top of that, men want a partner who is actually interested in them. Some women have a hard time actually giving men this signal. Inside relationship, they think they shouldn’t have to do it! And when looking for a mate, lots of women think it makes them look desperate. But believe me, there’s a lovely difference. Here’s a tip: men are not good at taking hints. They don’t get subtleties. No one can read minds. Letting him know you’re interested can be just the thing he needs to draw closer to you.
Still, you can be a little subtle about this. You’re not going to give him the vibe you’d be interested in just anyone. It’s a bit of an art. Call it one of the womanly ones.;-)
That’s the top six. Then there’s…
7. The Less Tangible Things…like Confidence
…and those other seemingly less measurable qualities that show up as essential. These fall under the category of emotional maturity and both men and women expect this from other grown ups.
Both men and women find confidence irresistible. Some people think there’s a shortcut to this, but it really can’t be faked. You can read a lot of tips for “faking it until you make it,” yet go that route and sooner or later, the foundation will crumble. The tips in the Attraction Key are all about making this adjustment real and permanent.
In essence, the best guarantee of exuding confidence is a solid, healthy self-esteem, which, simply put, is a position and opinion about oneself that is not superior, not inferior, but balanced. Some people (like me) might call this a healthy self-love. People who truly love and accept themselves, human frailties and all, just ooze confidence.
8. Emotional Responsibility
Men really appreciate it when women take responsibility for their emotions. This doesn’t mean he gets to be callous or disregard your feelings. It simply means you don’t let your emotions get the best of you. You don’t make him responsible for them. Men appreciate it when their mate takes personal responsibility and not just after the fact.
If you find yourself needing to apologize, then doing so without excuses is the way to go. I wish I had time to get into the specifics of a Clean, Non-Blaming Apology (TM). More on that in a future post!
Healthy adults do not find fits of temper or jealous rage attractive. They don’t favor manipulative or controlling behavior. Grown-ups all expect some degree of emotional stability. They also expect personal responsibility. Real admission of real responsibility is so sexy. Let. Me. Tell. YOU! Swoon-worthy for some. Stabilizing and safe for others. Attractive for all.
If you have trouble because your feelings are so big and tough for you to manage, don’t worry, stick with me. I help people in this area all the time. I know it’s an absolutely legitimate challenge. There are reasons you feel the way you do. The key to handling them is NOT about stuffing them or hiding them or being more logical or acting more like a man. Not at all. But more on that will have to wait for another time.
Men say another element of confidence gets expressed when women know what they want in life, what they want out of relationships, and are not afraid of talking about it. We’ll get to communication in a minute, but you can’t skip the internal job of knowing yourself and what you will accept and not accept in life and in relationship.
Think of this as the flip-side to us wanting men to have a passion and purpose in their lives. That’s super hunky and attractive to us, right?
Men really don’t want a doormat, or someone who gives up her identity, passions, interests, and life to become a female counterpart to him. He’s not wanting you to wait around trying to figure out what will please him most. You knowing what you want, who you are, where you’re going, and what kind of life you want to enjoy (including what kind of relationships you want) is super attractive!
If you’ve ever done it, don’t ever give yourself away like that again! You don’t have to and it’s not attractive anyway. It always backfires.
Communication is key! The caveat is that women must express themselves without demanding or blaming someone else, especially the man in front of you. If demand or blame enters, the communication is no longer conveying confidence; it’s shouting insecurity and desperation. (We already talked about how unattractive that is.)
This doesn’t mean that we aren’t human, subject to a flash of insecurity or vulnerability. In fact, that softness and vulnerability is one of the beautiful places where real connection between humans happens!
But communication should NOT be a minefield to navigate on a regular basis. That just gets supremely exhausting for everyone and it will corrode a relationship (and its participants) in a big, fat hurry. No one wants to live like that!
If you don’t know how to communicate without demanding or blaming in those moments when you feel most vulnerable, start with this post all about Communication. It gets into some specifics of how to do that. It’s such an important skill to have!
There you have it. The top ten qualities good men find absolutely irresistible in a woman.
An Inside Job
You can’t change anything outside yourself. You can’t change another person. Don’t even fantasize about changing male sexuality or female emotions. Or anything else for that matter.
You can’t make anyone else do anything.
It’s just not possible to change someone’s feelings or thoughts or behaviors.
You know that, right? Do you really accept it and operate from that knowing and acceptance? Or do you sometimes still try to change and control and influence?
Honestly, I think people continue to try because it seems so much easier to exert all that external energy than to do the inside job.
But the inside job is required when it comes to healthy relationship and long term happiness and well-being. And the inside job is required for authentic attractiveness. The nice thing is…
The Inside Job works and it’s enough.
You can’t fake this stuff. But you can do something about each thing on the list of attractive traits and characteristics.
Kindness is a thing you can practice. You might not be able to be taller or totally drop-dead, movie-star gorgeous (Dang, I was hoping that was suddenly going to change when I turned 50!) but you CAN take good care of yourself and give attention to your appearance and grooming.
You might not be able to change your native IQ, but you can always learn more. It doesn’t have to be book learning either. It can be DOing learning. 😉 You can take care of yourself and play when it’s safe. You can experience more moments of youthful lightness.
Plus, you can definitely raise your Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ). Confidence, knowing yourself, and communication, are all qualities and skills you can foster, if you’re willing to do the growing. Get a practical start right now.
More than anything, investing in the Inside Job creates attraction naturally. It’s the kind of attraction that stays with you for life. It’s also the kind of investment in yourself that starts paying off right away.
Let me know how it goes. Whether you grab your Attraction Key or decide to go it alone, leave a comment below and let me know what is one small change YOU are going to make TODAY to raise your attraction level. I love hearing from you!
Peace and Love, Beth Luwandi