26 Healing Heartache

Men and Women (and different personality types) deal with heartache in various ways. Beth shares the best answers for how long it takes to heal after divorce or a break-up. She covers a list of sure-fire ways to make it worse. Of course, she finishes with a list of 13 specific ways to heal as quickly and thoroughly as possible.
Don’t spend time asking the hard Why and What questions. Substitute instead the questions you can actually get helpful information on. How do I get through this? How do I make sense of this?
Check out this episode!

24 Love is Easy

Married? In a relationship, alone, or any description in between? Is love hard? Question your limiting beliefs. Burning Question: 38 year old man, together with his wife for eight years asks Why is it so hard to have a good relationship? Beth takes you through a process of examining and questioning what you believe about love and relationships including the common beliefs that relationships are hard, take a lot of work, and require compromise. You just might be surprised by how easily you can shift your thinking and begin to have an easy, joyful, connected experience and attract more love.
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22 Handling the Holidays Alone, Part 1

Beth Luwandi LPC outlines how to handle the holidays when you’re single. She goes over tips on how to handle it, how to talk about it and who to talk to about it. Beth gives examples for different ways to make the experience better for yourself including feeling your feelings, telling the truth about those feelings with the right people, and exploring your options. Don’t make it worse for yourself. Beth gives tips on how to avoid the stuff that makes it all worse and how to make it a little better.
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Bonuses to being a holiday orphan with someone else’s family:
•    No family dynamics investment. (These are not your crazy family. You‘d be amazed how free and fun it can be to experience someone else’s family without being part of it. Believe me, everyone’s family has STUFF.
•    Freedom to observe.
•    Different experiences/traditions., including maybe some luscious food!

1. Feel your feelings
2. Don’t judge it. Just allow it and observe it.
3. Tell the truth about it to the right trusted person.

How to talk about it:
1. Tell the right person. Avoid those who will say you shouldn’t feel bad. Avoid telling someone who will try to fix the feeling or gloss over it. Choose someone who will empathize with you, not feel sorry for you.
2.  Use Beth’s trademarked CNBC communication  format:
a. I feel … (3 words only)
b.I want… OR I don’t want… (without using the word “you”)
c. negotiate or not
d. Observe what is the response.
3. Talking with acquaintences
a. tell the truth as much as possible
b. prep some phrases ahead of time
c. remember these are YOUR holidays, not someone else’s

How to make it better:

1. give yourself permission to OWN the holidays for yourself.
2. Do something different if you want. Get creative if you want.
3.  Acknowledge the truth of your reality in all the ways you think about it, feel about it and what you decide to DO about it.
4. Look inside yourself to discover what is really going to work for you over the holidays, including changing the expectations YOU have for yourself.

Caution: don’t set deadlines for when you’ll have a mate. If you’ve done this previously, let those declarations drop away gently. Hold that expectation very lightly.

midlife love bytes podcast love and loss are married complicated grief

6 Love and Loss are Married FOREVER; complicated grief

Complicated grief, anyone?

Through personal story, Beth Luwandi explores the complex relationship between love and loss, especially when it turns into complicated grief. After enduring significant loss, one’s ability and willingness to love is altered permanently. It’s even worse when complicated grief happens as a result of circumstance, conflict, or other tricky situations like survivor guilt, added shame, or conflict with the dying person.

Beth tells the very personal story of losing her closest sister and how it impacted her willingness and ability to love and what events marked her healing. Punctuated with four music tracks from her sister, Mary Lofstrom, jazz vocalist and founder of Shimmering Fishbelly Music (here used by permission.) This weaving together of story, psychology, grief, healing, hope, and pain will let you know once and for all that choosing to love again is the richest possibility. Even out of complicated grief. Getting there can take as long as you need it to.