Question what you think you know about love.
What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me.) Is love a mystery?
Remember M*A*S*H*’s theme song: Suicide is Painless.
That’s daft. No it’s not. That sentiment is a big fat, stupid lie. It makes a poignant song title because it’s so tragically ironic. And wrong. (Ask anyone who has lost someone to suicide-and that, unfortunately, includes LOTS of us!)
Have you heard, “love takes work” or “good love is hard to find” or “love hurts, love stinks”?
Trust me. These are also big, fat, stupid lies. We just believe them because we’ve heard them so many times and then when something happens (like we get rejected) we hear them again, only this time in our own voice.
Just because people say things thousands of times and we think them and we think life “proves” them right does not mean they are true.
Read that again. It can be a bit of a mind-twister.
If you give yourself one gift this year, let it be replacing these lies with the truth.
Allow me to be an example.
I spent years (believe me) struggling in relationship, convinced that giving 110% should yield a happy love (because everyone should give of themselves, compromise, and give as much as possible. This is what good Christian women -fill in that blank with whatever description applies to you- do, after all.)
This thinking and behavior never produced more harmony, or more love, or better intimacy, or any peace.
I was undeterred! I had plenty of evidence that I just needed to “work harder” and “love more.” I soothed myself with chocolate and mantras like “love hurts.”
I was, after all, really smart and I did not have the love I wanted so I concluded that people must not actually experience good love or at least not very often and therefore, “love is scarce” and “good love is hard to find.” This made perfect sense. I had years of proof!
I had plenty of supportive company and comforting commiseration from other people who also did not have a clue about how love works.
And then, something incredible happened.
I read the truth. Someone wrote, “Love is easy. Love is abundant. Love is not hard.” And even though I thought these were CRAZY notions, maybe even blasphemous, I allowed myself to entertain the possibility that what I knew about love was ALL WRONG.
It changed my approach to solving this problem. Instantly. I went from taking all those underlying beliefs for granted and operating on them to ASKING the right question.
How DOES love work?
Almost miraculously, in a way that felt almost like the heavens opening and the angels singing, and actually was one of those waaaaaaaaaa, low-effort, fantastic revelations, I made a shift in my thinking and it changed my life for the better for-EVERRRRRHHHH! I’m not kidding you!
This is why I am doing what I do as a therapist and life coach. This is why I KNOW I know things that can help and why I feel compelled to DO THIS!
I had no idea until I studied that there was scientific support for the claims that “love is abundant” and “love is easy.” Oh man, I have things to share! This stuff is gonna change YOUR life too. I’m singing at the thought of it and I hope you’ll give me the chance to teach you what I know.
Here a a few things to keep in mind:
- It can be very difficult to come to the humble conclusion the way you’ve always done things AND the way you think about things MIGHT NOT BE right.
- Making that shift is essential for growth. THIS is where growth happens: Pinpointing the untruth, examining it, and replacing it!
- Just because something is simple, does not guarantee it’ll be easy.
That is what I’m here for: to assist you in implementing.
Give me a call or send an email!