At least part of you knows already that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. A seventy five year study at Harvard proves it. Watch the TEDtalk on this. It’s beautiful (and less than 13 minutes.) See. Love Matters.
Most of you suspect that having a loving partnership is central to the whole equation of a good life.
And yet, if you are a heterosexual female, it can be so hard to admit life would be better with a loving man in it.
Ladies! It’s time to get over the message that says “you don’t need a man, baby. After all, you’ve come a long way!”
That is really old propaganda. It served its purpose. We smoked. We felt tough. We took care of everything. We practically became men. Trouble is, that message is a long time dying. And it gets in the way of being open to the right men.
Let it go.
And if you’re male, even the swankest among you know life would be better with a loving partner by your side. Read this account of New York bachelors and the lonely life. Dudes, you are not alone.
Having healthy love in your life increases health in all areas of your life.
Women have traditionally been given more credit for prizing relationships more. And yet, mid-life women (the entire Erik Erickson span of mid-life up to late middle life including ages 35-75) are actually the ones who may be getting in their own way the most!
Now, of course, to be fair and honest, there are plenty of men messing this whole thing up too. AND, men are less complicated than women. (It’s a fact.) And sometimes, from the perspective of the work I do, straightening men out is easier because of it. Often, one or two tweaks does the trick!
- Good men respond well to honesty and emotional maturity. Men who do not respond well to this are, simply, not quite grown up yet. Call them Boys; it fits. They might get there, but age is just a number, not a maturity rating. And this goes for both men and women. Not all women are automatically emotionally mature.
- If she’s not, most grown-up men will pass. They’re tired of drama and working hard to please a woman who can’t be and they are not so interested in the chase like they once were. And let’s face it; they don’t have to. Men have plenty to choose from; the ratio increases in their favor as we all age. Men still die earlier than women.
SO, BONUS, MEN! If you survive just a little longer, you will have more age-appropriate mates to choose from!
This is great news for you and maybe a bit of a wake-up call for the other gender!
On the flip side, yes, there are men who are jerks, for whom mere talk of improving relationship is a pariah. They’d never attend a relationship seminar or go to a coach or counselor because they know it’s not them, it’s always everyone else.
So, get smart, ladies and join me in NOT dating them. Don’t have sex with them. Don’t stay in relationship with them.
There ARE scads of men out there who ARE interested in having an emotionally connected and mutually supportive, lasting secure and thrilling partnership. I guarantee it. I meet them all the time!
All of us can get a little stuck. We can struggle for good reason. We can come up against something that just doesn’t work and doesn’t make sense.
By now, you probably realize I am all about helping people understand one another and themselves and then helping them have healthy relationships. It’s what I do!
Call me if consultation or an appointment makes sense for you.
Not ready for that? Stay tuned here; I’ll keep writing about this stuff. Read the archives.
Next time, I am going to answer the directive that says “you need to be alone” and “a relationship will not save you.”