What’s the stuff that gets you through these cold, spare-feeling months after the holidays?
Here in Cincinnati, as I write, it’s late January, cold, with a dust of snow on the ground and spurts of gusty wind, so the reflective, winter hibernation feeling pervades. Even if it’s sunny and warm where you are, I’m sure you can relate.
Are you getting enough love, connection, warmth, belonging, appreciation? Maybe it’s respect, a commanding rhythm to your day and comfort you crave. Maybe you really want a solid plan for the new year and to feel grounded, certain, and safe.
What matters most?
For me, especially this time of year, it ends up being a sense of purpose. And you might guess my central purpose is all about helping people.
I want to help people have great relationships…with themselves first, then with their mates, children, friends, colleagues, and families. People make up communities that reflect the quality of those inner circles. It’s all very important. And it’s best to start from the inside out.
I also want to have the good stuff in my own life. For me, good relationships are good life. I’m not the only one who says so either. Check out this Ted Talk on Harvard’s study. It’s good for us to have healthy intimate relationships and resolved relationships with our children, our siblings, and within families.
It’s good stuff
Sometimes people think relationship work is “fluff” because it’s not tasking, or doing kind of movement.
We might think it’s not measurable.
But it is.
So much good, measurable research has been done for decades. Gottman, Sternberg, Adams, Tatkin, and so many others have amassed real measurable results to the question “how do healthy relationships work?”
Let that be a comfort to you. If it’s measurable and DO-able, then it’s also measurable and DO-able for YOU.
Anyone can learn to enjoy healthy, good, loving relationships.
How you’re made matters
It’s also important to know that our normal way of coming at life influences everything. We’re built a certain way, we’ve been influenced by our environments and experiences, and we move through the world in a particularly dominant pattern.
Maybe you’ve heard me talk about Whole Human Theory Therapy (TM). It draws on decades of research, brain science and methods testing to meet each individual person -and pairing when couples come to me- with an understanding of your current and dominant movement through the world
That’s just where we start. It’s not enough to recognize the way you’re made, the ways you’re different from others, or get a revelation that not everyone thinks the way you think. Then we get to use who you are essentially to do things that matter for you in getting the kind of growth that will allow better relationship.
In short, truly knowing yourself and then knowing how to use that is what will get you to enough…enough of what matters most to you.
Want to know more
about the way you’re made and how it affects everything you do…including the struggle in relationships you might be facing right now? Shoot me a message and let’s get together.CONNECT
In the meantime, everyone can benefit from this reminder:
I hope you’ve learned this sweet trick. It makes everything in life so much better. Everything goes easier and more smoothly.
Breathe deeply. Let go. Allow yourself to relax. Loving kindness. Let it be your intention.
And I mean be gentle with yourself first and then with others. Most people who are harsh with others are even harder on themselves.
You might know this is you. Still, it’s no comfort to those who might be withering from the weight of your words… or your silence and withdrawal. Speak to yourself -and others- in the kindest way you can.
Be gentle. Go gently.
If that’s difficult for you, it’s not surprising. Most of us believe that we have to be hard on ourselves (and others) in order to…get enough, have enough, be enough. But it’s not actually true.
Today, give gentle a try. See how it goes.
And let me know how it’s going.CONNECT
Coming up…In the next days and weeks, I’m writing a post each about what it means to be #heartfirst, #brainfirst and #bodyfirst. This distinction leads us to a whole host of other insight. Stay tuned.