Just Right for Love

Today, it’s “Ladies, listen up” and “Gents, listen in.” There’s stuff for each of you here.

Guess what, Beauties? You’re perfect for love. Right now. You are not too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too weird, too old, too much, too little, too in-debt, or too broken for love. You’re NOT! You are just right.

Think about it. What is that thing you’re telling yourself you’ll DO before you open your heart to love again?

Lose 20 pounds? Get your children perfectly reared and out on their happy way? Establish a secure retirement? Afford Botox, or microdermabrasion, fix your varicose veins, try laser hair removal, get a make-over, run your first half-marathon, attain top management in your job, save the world?!

Do you tell yourself (and others) you’re too busy to date? Your girlfriends are where it’s at right now. You’ll just focus on your children and grandchildren. All the good men are taken and if they’re not, you’ll believe it when you see it?!

Two things keep us trapped. One is the belief we must meet some ideal just short of perfection or we are going to be rejected and overtaken by younger, thinner, taller, (or more petite) more demure, and cunning women. In short, we must be perfect.

After all, everyone knows a man is comparing the real women in his life to the women in a magazine! (More on this in just a minute.) How pathetic, we think. To get to this age and have men still judge us on beauty and sex appeal and helplessness. It’s hardly fair.

It doesn’t help us like ourselves. Or men for that matter.

Secondly, we have embraced to the fiber, cell, and breath of our being the belief we do not need a man in order to be happy! By God, we are going to do it ourselves! We do not need a man! And we will prove it until our dying breath if we must.

In our weak, tender, lonely moments we think, well, if a truly good man were to prove his worth to us by artfully pursuing us atop his shiny, white steed, maybe, maybe then we’d reconsider. If he did all the right things.

As it is, he doesn’t call when he says he will.

We thought we were the only one he was dating just to find out he was seeing two other women at the same time.

He cleaned off my car windshield without even asking?! What is he trying to say? Does he think I’m a helpless girl and can’t do that myself?

Welp, there’s a good reason he’s divorced, we think aloud. Another creep bites the dust.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are some creeps in mid-life dating. There are absolute rule-out, do-not-consider-for-another-minute-no-matter-how-great-the-sex red flags. And some of us are ignoring these, hoping to reform a 50-some-year-old Boy into a Good Guy.

That does not happen, ladies.

And it’s not our job to fix them. Let’s do let these boys be boys. We’re interested in Real Men, in the Good Guys, right? They exist.

Some of us can’t recognize a Real Man from a Boy.  And that’s not his fault.

Here’s a hint: Boys actually DO expect middle-age women to be in supremo, tip-top physical condition. They ARE still evaluating women based on how good she will make him look. They DO think women should look like the ideal of beauty they’ve been fed. Here’s a newsflash, ladies. These men do not understand relationship yet AND they don’t even really like us. They have issues.

(This is not to say men don’t want us to be attractive, but Real Men who like Real Women actually DO find us naturally alluring and beautiful. In lots of different shapes and sizes and colors. Trust me, there’s a man who will love your female form, I’m sure of it! And, I’ll help you find him.)

Meanwhile, we’ve got our own issues.

We have very good reason for the belief we do not need a man. We’ve been hurt and disappointed, heart-broken and confused by our lack of success in love. We’ve grown up in the era that saw the bra burned and wages stay unequal. We were some of the first women to actually have it all only to watch it crumble when he had sucked all the life out of us or stopped seeing us altogether or cheated and left.

We have very good reason to believe we need to be perfect before we deserve to be loved. We are smart, after all, and this must be the missing piece of the puzzle. It couldn’t possibly be something simpler.

Or could it?

What if the pain inherent in our experience with love and dating were relatively easy to shift? What if it’s just a matter of healing in a few key ways? What if it’s not about trying harder and doing more and being better? Would you invest a little time and energy and money in learning that?

I would.

I did.

But before I found answers, I invested a whole lot of heartache and anger, trial and error. I invested years of my life (and my children’s lives) trying harder to do better and be better and fix everything. Then I found something that actually helped me see and recognize Boys, leave them behind and appreciate wonderful, quality men so I could enjoy good, peaceful love.

It’s my mission to help you find a way to enjoy a healthy love too. No matter where you are right now, I can help you get to relationship with a Good Guy that works.

I know things that will save you pain, time, heartache, anguish, & embarrassment and actually attract a good man capable of loving you well. I’ll share lots of it right here, so follow me and get alerts when I post about this topic.

Don’t wait! Register NOW and come have dinner and drinks; bring the girls and your smart, sassy self! No matter where you are right now in your readiness for Midlife Dating, Mating, and Relating this Girls’ night out is seriously going to be a blast!

Good Guys Finish First

I know you don’t believe it. You’ve been telling yourself the easy opposite for a really long time. But I am here to tell you there is no wisdom in the foolish idiom that good guys finish last. Bull-puckey! Ready to find out what will help the world know what a good guy you really are? Check out this upcoming seminar for MEN 35 & better.

There ARE women out there who love, love, love, and appreciate good men! (I’m one of them, btw.)

I’m trying to address both men AND women here and let you each listen in. There’s a lot to be learned by eavesdropping, you know. So, stay with me ladies. Your turn is coming.

Men, listen up. Women, listen in.

I know you’re tired. Of crazy, unpredictable, spastic women who seem to BE one thing and then issue an endless stream of requirements and spoken or unspoken expectations once they feel they’ve got you!

I know you’re tired of being the one who has to put yourself out there and wonder “does she get that I’m really NOT an asshole?”

I know you’ve spent years bearing the burden of rejection since you are the one who, traditionally. has been doing the asking. And you HAVE been rejected. And you have learned to accept it. And it has left its mark.

I know you’re bewildered by the female species. I know you really can’t quite figure us out, the speed at which we talk and analyze and the abundance of words, words, words, words, words, all to say one simple thing that is kinda frazzled by the time we get to it.

I understand that, really, you just want us to be happy and when we are unhappy it’s nearly impossible NOT to take it personally and not try to DO something about it.

I know that’s why when we offer a problem you deliver a solution. Because you’re good at that. Because although you ARE empathetic and, by God, of course you care about how we feel, you actually do figure the better thing to express is a solution so that we can stop feeling so bad right now! I like that about you.

I also like that when I tell you plainly without making you feel you’re wrong, that I just need you to listen, you DO let me know you care and you DON’T offer a solution. You hold onto your solution for my problem even though it costs you to operate like that.

I know it’s actually a sacrifice. You’re basically exploding with a cure for cancer! And I love that you love us enough to be uncomfortable like that. I know it hurts you like blue balls but you do it because, in fact, we ARE really important to you.

I know you’ve grown up in the transition time between traditional fathers who were not in the birthing room and didn’t have many tender words (perhaps) and the new generation of men who seem to seamlessly embrace nurturing their children and their spouses and you think sometimes, (in the dark and you would never tell anyone) dear God, who am I as a man?! 

You’re in mid-life now, aware of where you came from and not exactly sure where you are headed but you feel better equipped to meet it than you ever have. You want to make the most of the time you have left because life no longer seems forever like it did when you were twenty and invincible.

You want a reasonable companion who is NOT a ton of work and drama. You know it’s time to experience an ease with yourself, with your mate, with your life. If you can’t achieve that by now, what’s it all for anyway? So why on earth are you not having success finding a suitable mate?

You tell yourself you’re a good man. And wonder why so many other people- and especially the women you are hoping to please- can’t always seem to see it.

It’s truly confusing.

Except that it’s really simple.

We women just complicate things.

It’s our specialty.

Dang, can we ever THINK about things and analyze the heck out of anything! Plus, on top of it, we have feelings about everything and that MATTERS!

This scenario…this is why I have made it my mission to help. And I want to give you hope, good guys. There is a good woman out there who really does want your love and your special mix of manliness. There is a good woman out there who understands some basic things about how you’re wired and she appreciates it.

And she does not just have a good personality.

She’s attractive, and playful, and youthful. She likes sex AND companionship and she is responsible for her own emotions. She knows how to let you be yourself and how to let you see who she is too. She understands what it means to be human and middle-aged and female.

Believe it or not, she’s looking for you.

Let me introduce you.

(Tomorrow, I talk to the ladies!)