Remember when you were 20-something and it seemed (relatively) easy to connect with a potential partner?
You’ve lived through failed relationships and disappointments since then, so it’s pretty clear what you knew back then did not net you a long-lasting, healthy relationship. Probably for a myriad of reasons. For starters, they don’t teach this stuff in school!
Plus, times have changed. Dating has gone all cyber-wacky. We’ve changed all these years later.
Yet some of the same things both men and women worry about are exactly the same:
- Who does the initiating?
- Is dating a game? Or is it serious stuff?
- What are the rules?
- Is sex an expectation of dating and if so, when?
- Do I have to give up being myself in order to attract a mate?
- Am I ever going to find someone?
- Can I please avoid all the heartache?
You’d think we’d know more by now and be over some of this or at least have an answer. But humans are humans are humans are humans at every age. So until we learn it, we don’t know it. And until you know it for yourself, everyone else knowing it is not a benefit to you. Plus, it’s one thing to know it on paper and in your head and an entirely different thing to know it in your heart and experience it in your life.
You gotta DO relationship in order for all that knowledge to count for anything.
And you’re scared.
For very good reason. Go back and read the second sentence if you forgot why.
Here is some GOOD NEWS:
Some people do have fun dating (and this is not because they are wild and crazy and just don’t care! Well, not most of them anyway.)
Some people do have happy, long-lasting, secure marriages.
Some people seem to have easy success with their love relationships.
Are they just lucky? Born under the right stars? Reared by the right parents and the rest of us got a bum wrap?
No.
Okay, I’ll allow that some people do have healthier, more loving parents who not only equipped them with more of the right stuff to get them fully functional in the world but also probably set a better example.
Not you? You’re not alone. Keep reading because I am talking to the whole rest of us…
Too bad for us, right? We’re just doomed to relationship hell and struggle and heartache?
Also, NO.
(I wouldn’t be in this business if that were what I believed, of course!)
Here’s the BIG BELIEF that completely rules out all others:
If someone else knows how to do it, then I can LEARN how to do it. Say that to yourself aloud. It’s true. Say it a hundred times until you believe it!
And WHAT you learn is really based on what you want. We get to this in every seminar on relationships and in every couples or individual therapy alliance. If I don’t eventually ask you what you want, I’m not doing my job. We often start there because WHAT you wants drives what you will have. And if you’re not sure what it is you want, that’s okay too. You’ll discover and decide as you go along.
But some of you already know the thing you crave is LOVE. You know you were placed in this world with an imperative to love and be loved. And you want to have a successful, fulfilling relationship before you leave this earth. You want to put into action the knowledge that other people seem to have mastered. You’re daring to dream that someone somewhere will want to make a rich and fulfilling life with you.
Trust me, it happens. It does. It still does. It is not too late.
And some of you are wondering if you just have bad luck, if you attract all the jerks or crazies, if you will ever get this right. Remember, all of us are scared sometimes. We’re human, after all. And being human has scary parts. Love has scary parts. Dating has scary parts. Other people do have the potential to disappoint us, to wound us if we let them, to complicate our happiness, and, even in the best scenarios, to leave us when they die first.
It’s a pretty scary venture.
And yet, many of you are still willing. You want what you want. You’re willing to learn a thing or two. You are willing to see if your current relationship can be saved even while you’re asking if it should be saved. You are looking for a mate even though you’ve been disappointed a hundred times. You are harboring a glimmer of hope you’re just waiting for someone to fan.
I am that someone. I have hope for you aplenty. You can do this. Sometimes getting the right help is the first step.
It can start with attending a seminar. Ladies register here.
It can start with a free consultation or with a first session. Call me at 513-530-5888.
It can start with some good reading and contemplation of change. Keep reading right here and keep in touch. Subscribe to the blog and never miss a post.
When you’re ready, I’ll help you make life great.