Some clients come to me for expert relationship help feeling already defeated, sensing this is their last-ditch effort.
They’ve tried everything else.
That puzzles me sometimes. Why did they wait so long? How did they let it get this bad?
And yet, I get it. I spent years and years trying real hard, endeavoring to figure it out. Every single book – ALL THE BOOKS- I read them ALL. I was going to fix it: fix myself, fix him, fix the dynamic, fix the family. I could figure this out.
Smart People are the worst for this.
I’m a smartie.
I know you’re a smartie.
And successful. You more-than-survived. You have arrived! You’ve worked real hard. You’ve amassed wealth, achieved a lot, navigated incredible challenges.
Besides that, you take care of business on the regular. You juggle life expertly. And here you are with a very fine resume behind your name. You are smart, dang it, and you. can. figure. this. out.
So you try harder. And most times, the harder you try, the more trouble you get into. (Like quick sand!) Pretty soon there’s so much anger and tension in the relationship on a daily basis, you relent, cry “uncle,” cave, and, feeling defeated, decide to reach out for help.
Or worse, sometimes you determine it’s HIS problem or HER fault, so you send him (or her) in for me to “fix” that problem. (That’s rarely accurate, by the way, never the whole picture, and while individual therapy IS appropriate, helpful, and CAN shift a relationship, it happens best and proves more lasting when two get involved voluntarily.)
Asking for Expert Relationship Help is a WIN
I know I won’t instantly convince you. But it IS a win. It’s what smart people do. They enlist the help of experts to show them what they need to know.
Even in an area they know LOTS about.
You might like investing, but you trust your wealth to experts, right?
You might like numbers and accounting, but you don’t do your own taxes, do you?
(I don’t know, maybe you do. I did mine every year from 1986 up until last year when all the rules and forms started looking insane and complicated. See, I can be stubborn and have trouble trusting too.)
I know excellent athletes who pay a trainer. Why do they do that when they know a lot about their sport?
Because they’re smart, that’s why! They know how to really win!
I thought I was a relationship expert before
After all, I’m made for relationship. I am a woman. I am naturally #heartfirst. (If you don’t know what that means, I write about it in my books, described HERE.) I love and value people and relationship and always have. I’ve been studying and observing and reading, reading, reading for decades.
I wanted credit for all my effort. I also wanted some good results. Yet, there were some things I just could not see or reach on my own.
Finally, exhausted and feeling quite defeated, I enlisted the help of an expert.
Now I know I truly am an expert
And yes, I paid for some of that in my own blood, with pain, sweat, tears, and unnecessary suffering. It was over two decades of “walking heartache.” Talk about learning the hard way!
Then I got real expert help and paid for it in the right kind of blood, sweat, and tears: I extended trust and did what was helpful and quit doing what was biting me in the ass.
Before too long, I went to school and got a couple degrees and started actually helping people. (I continue to learn and grow and develop all the time. That’s why they call this business a practice.)
Do I regret my stubbornness, distrust, and pride?
Oh yeah, baby.
I also love, understand, and forgive myself (which took a while in and of itself) and I’m so grateful to the people who showed me grace and extended their patience along the way.
But it cost us all a whole lot more than it needed to. I DO wish I had spent my time, energy, and money more productively way back when.
I’m just a human, a fellow traveler
Yet this is my thing now for real. It’s my area of expertise. I’ve been in the trenches. I’ve been in the crazy and distress of a painful relationship and I found my way out. But I did not do it all on my own. Not by a long shot.
You don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to let anyone else take a look and tell you what they see.
By golly, you never have to listen to a relationship expert about how you’re contributing, prolonging, and ensuring your very own suffering. But if you’re smart, you just might want to.
There are known and traveled pathways to healing, healthy relationship, and happiness. I’m not the only one who knows them, but I do know them and I’ll help you each step of the way… if you let me.
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