How do you survive after infidelity? Can relationships really be saved? Can they really come back better than ever? People present these questions to me all the time.
Let’s face it; infidelity is the worst.
Yet, we all know that infidelity happens.
A local training brochure that went out to psychotherapists here in Ohio claims 50% of committed relationships include infidelity. Yikes! I think that percentage has to be high. I just don’t want to believe that statistic. I bet you don’t either! Still, for some of us, knowing it’s a common issue can have the effect of making people who are experiencing it feel not so alone, not completely crazy, maybe even hopeful.
After all, if others live through it and heal after it, you can too, right?
We don’t lack science and research on infidelity.
People publish a ton of stuff on the reasons people cheat, the why behind it, the psychology of betrayal and studies on monogamy. Theories abound. Most can be twisted and contorted to support most any end-perspective.
Have you heard anyone say “we’re just not wired for monogamy” or “sure, that was easy back when life expectancy was 45?”
Some people believe “once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Others think “it always takes two.”
Still others think there is no more vile creature on the planet than “the adulterer.” Once marked, he or she is marked with the scarlet A forever.
What’s your perspective on infidelity?
Does it match one of the above? If it does, I’d venture to guess you’ve been wounded by it at some point. I’m also going to say that none of those perspectives are truly helpful.
Oh sure, those adages help us survive, to assimilate the knowledge of the betrayal, they help us “make sense” of a bewildering human phenomenon. But they don’t help us truly heal.
Sometimes we think healing after a broken heart just never really happens. We might think we’re wounded for life. Of perhaps maybe we think “time heals all wounds.” Actually, neither one of those extremes is very true.
Healing needs to be intentional. If it isn’t, time can pass without much real living taking place.You don’t have to sit in the wounding of betrayal for years, decades, the rest of life. You really don’t.
You don’t have to endlessly carry the weight of your infidelity either.
See what I suggested there? Infidelity is painful, painful, painful for both the betrayed and for the offender. If you could see what I see, you’d know the truth of this.
Infidelity changes people forever,
no matter what side of the equation they’re on. And many, many offenders avoid getting help from a professional because they sense they’ll be judged…by people who are supposed to be trained to actually help. The unfortunate thing is that often they are judged by those people. Or professionals are ill-equipped to address the complexity of the situation.
And that never truly helps. In fact, sometimes it can make things a whole lot worse. I don’t want that to happen to you. I’m on a mission to provide effective and easily accessible intervention for you… even when one or both of you are not “naturally inclined” toward therapy. Even if you’ve never sought help for anything before.
No matter how you’re made…
You deserve to thrive again after infidelity.
That’s exactly our aim when we work together. And it does not matter if you are coming in alone, as a couple, or if you are trying to resolve issues from an affair that’s current, newly terminated, or that happened a long time ago. It doesn’t even matter if no one else knows about it. If there’s healing needed, we’ll go after it for you- and in a way that makes sense to you.
CONNECTMaybe you’re not ready to work with a therapist or coach one-on-one. That’s okay too.
Resources to serve you:
Check out my book: After the Affair: Healing for the Offender. If you’re the Betrayed or the Offender, this guidebook (the only one of its kind: written directly to the Offender) provides the truth behind why this thing happened and, even more importantly, gives you an effective guide through and beyond it. For some people, the book will be enough. For some, it’ll just be a start. It will be helpful for everyone involved.
Are you a Woman whose partner has cheated? My Women’s Program, Infidelity Recovery Fast Track is just for you. Other women just like you have had the same thing happen (often after decades of marriage, with children and a great life.) They recover FULLY when they take the right approach. Fill out your application, we’ll schedule your call and get you started right away.