When someone says “maybe you should talk to someone” you know they mean, “see a therapist”. But is that what you need to do right now?
Your doctor, a family member, or a trusted friend might say so. They could be right and it can be helpful to get “outside” feedback from those you trust. Still, we are so accustomed to “doing it ourselves” or feel we “should” be able to figure it out that this strong belief can muddy a relatively simple decision.
Definitely get help if you or someone in your care is experiencing or expressing suicidal or homicidal thoughts no matter how “serious” you think they are or are not.
Definitely get help if you or someone in your care is hurting her/him-self in any manner, no matter how “mild” it seems.
Definitely get help if you recognize that you or someone in your care is hurting other people verbally, emotionally, or physically.
That said, sometimes it’s not that clear. After all, there are multiple things to READ and try on the internet or in self-help books that promise a cure. And you haven’t yet tried everything! Plus, you’re resourceful, smart, and have gotten this far.
So, when is it time?
If even one of the following is true over a span of two weeks or more, it’s time for professional HUMAN help:
- your situation keeps you awake at night or
- wakes you up in the middle of the night or
- is on your mind first thing in the morning
- your work feels significantly more stressful than normal or
- you’ve received feedback that your personal life is interfering at work
- a friend or colleague has tried to end a conversation when you need to talk
- you don’t take pleasure in things you used to enjoy
- you’ve been researching solutions on the internet
- you purchased a self-help book or people are “gifting” them to you
- people are giving you (solicited and unsolicited) advice about how to manage
- anything you’re experiencing is uncomfortable enough to make it significant to you
- you have a question about your specific situation (or a bunch of questions)
Or, if it’s about your children, no matter their ages, here’s when to look for help:
- your children become depressed (lethargic)
- or anxious (agitated)
- or angry (acting out)
- your children develop stomach aches
- they’re getting in trouble at school
- their grades have tanked
When any of these things become a part of life, reach out to a trained professional.
Life happens to all of us.
Loss happens to all of us. Unfortunately, you don’t get a gold star for “white-knuckling it”. You don’t get credit for NOT asking for help.
But you’ll get MORE than a gold star when you include therapy or coaching as your go-to resource. It can change your life for good and forever.
The rewards of good “therapy” are intrinsic: less pain, reversal of symptoms, access to a warm, knowledgeable, and specifically helpful human, validation of your process, skills to manage in the best ways known to man, an ongoing resource for any future disruption.
Therapy isn’t necessarily easy.
Overall, it should decrease your pain. It will also challenge you. A good therapist will help provide the right balance of support and challenge in order to help get you where you want to be.
Growth can be painful. Change is hard. Trust is hard for some of us. Meeting someone new and sharing wounds is hard for nearly everyone. Pain is pain. Grief sucks no matter its shape or source.
The way through is not always simple or easy, yet it’s worth trying to find the right trained person.
Your resources of time, energy, and (probably) money are limited, so you want to know you will connect with someone you 1. like 2. trust and 3. know is skilled to help in your situation.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and help you skip to the perfect connection. (If you didn’t already see this, I’ve provided some quick guidance for choosing a good fit.)
I know I’m not the right person for everyone -though I wish I could be- so it’s also not a matter of me just saying, “come here; I can help.” But if you hear me saying that to you, well, then do come here and let’s connect!
Most importantly, if any of the above list fits your situation, then it IS time to find a professional someone to help.