Personal Growth is Hard

Ever wonder “Why the actual EFF should I keep doing all this personal growth?”

It gets tiring sometimes, right? Exhausting. It can seem endless. Peeling back layer after layer that needs to be healed can feel like a hamster wheel of torture.(To completely mix my metaphors.)

So why keep pursuing personal growth?

GREAT question. And I have an answer for you.

Some of us live with LOTS of obstacles in our way. Boulders and roots crowd our path, making it hard to walk. Every step is uphill. We have to raise our feet higher and higher each time we move just to climb over what’s in our way.

We might not even know where we’re headed.

The only promise is that there’s a “top of this rise” where we will be able to sit and rest, turn around, and see how far we’ve come.

I relate to this hugely since I’m a hiker. When we do fitness hikes or challenges, we PRIDE ourselves on surmounting trails like the one above.

Sometimes people with rocky trails in their inner world pride themselves on the difficulty. You can stop reading if that’s you. Because personal growth is ALL about doing the work to clear the path, not taking the hardest trail possible.

“Doing the work” makes our path easier

The result of our efforts is a lovely path: clearer, wider, and easier. It even gives us a greater awareness of what’s ahead and around us.

Clearing the path is not just for fun. Like those hiking trails, it’s definitely a workout all its own. And some parts of that can be fun. Like the “fun” you experience when you stop banging your head against the wall. Or the “fun” of not having period cramps anymore. Some of you can relate!

Personal growth is also not merely so we can sit down and admire the view.

Don’t get me wrong. You will feel better. There will be times of great relief. That is part of the point, to be sure. It’s just not the only reason.

Even though we are creating a lovely path, we don’t do it simply to have a lovely place to rest. Yet you will need (and you deserve) times of REST.

Why do the work of personal growth then?

You do the work in order to PROCEED to your purpose and mission in life.

Once the path is cleared, it’s not a matter of maybe. You WILL reach your purpose. You clear the obstacles so that you can easily move forward.

personal growth leads to a clear path

Think about it. With the boulders, roots, and obstacles GONE, movement is easier and swifter.  Once that path is cleared, all you have to do is MOVE forward. One foot in front of the other. There’s more joy and peace too. You’re not exhausted, huffing over rocky terrain to make a little bit of progress.

And the MAJOR clearing is not ENDLESS. Once that work is done, keeping the way clear becomes easy maintenance. You pick up a few dead branches. You kick stones out of the way. Maybe rake it once or twice a year.

You don’t have to haul boulders away or hack out old roots. The HEAVY lifting is done.

Look, I know some people PREFER the hard way. OK. Your choice. That uphill, craggy trail through the dark woods might be your jam. Struggle as long as you like.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

For those of you doing the hard work of personal development, here’s your encouragement for those times you feel tired and start to ask “why am I doing this?” Just remember you’re doing it so you can proceed easily and joyfully. So that you can walk in your purpose and mission.

Life does not have to be hard. Personal development can be challenging. But it does not have to be arduous, endless work.

Having someone who knows how to guide, give effective resources, and encourage along the way makes all the difference. If you need support, I’m here. And if you have other resources, use them.

Here’s to YOUR continued healing and clearing. So that YOU can walk easily in your purpose and mission.

And if you don’t have a clear vision of your purpose and mission in life, well, I’d love to help with that too. It’s a regular thing that comes up for the wonderful women in SSS Life and for individuals too.

Apply to work one-to-one or join the group that fits your circumstances. READ HERE for a list of ways I work with people. And let’s get your path cleared so you can walk easily to that beautiful purpose.

A Successful Midlife Crisis

I’m not sure I’ve been more ecstatic than I’m feeling this morning. Life just seems to get better and better and better.

Is this a midlife crisis

or the result of a successful one?

I’ve had A LOT of happy mornings like this one where I get out of bed and think, sometimes say outloud: I love my life! I’m so happy! Life. Is. Good.

Just last night, another mid-lifer and I were discussing how successfully navigating the midlife psychosocial crisis absolutely sets us up for “the best of life for the rest of life.”

(It has become one of the transformation projections I make with my clients. because I’ve seen it happen so many times! Maybe you’ve heard it as a tag line on my podcast.)

An eavesdropping listener asked if I’ve had a midlife crisis. I answered, “yes! Of course. We all have one; some of us just notice it more than others.

The midlife crisis gets a bad rap

for all the examples we first imagine:

a man growing out his hair and mustache, buying a motorcycle, and leaving his wife and children for a young babe.

OR a mom turning into a micro-skirt-wearing cougar and dating her daughter’s boyfriend or leaving the family. Ouch!

Sure, sometimes people do freak out in similar fashion, hence the clichéd stereotype. But like all stereotypes, applying them to everyone or thinking, ah, so that’s a midlife crisis, is just, well, a narrow definition. Not helpful. And not realistic.

Did you know we all have one?

A midlife psychosocial crisis, that is, not the stereotypical one.

We are all programmed to transition from one stage of life: our active, prime adult stage where we have been focused on work, procreating, pair-bonding- do you like those terms for adulting- to the next stage, which has been so expertly named “midlife.” And guess what, the stage can last 15 -25 years by some delineations. (It better, I say. I’m not declaring myself an “elder adult” until I’m 75 at least. But I digress.)

Of course, not everyone has children. Not everyone gets married. But financial survival, decisions and responsibilities regarding work and parenting children as well as navigating intimate relationships…these all occur in the active adult stage.

Then mid-life hits.

We become aware we are literally half way (or more) through our life on the planet and it inspires reflection. (And sometimes panic, sometimes intense panic.)

For some it’s a quick look back. For others that glance is filled with regret. For some, it’s filled with so much unpleasantness, they avoid doing it…for as long as possible.

The psychosocial crisis involves navigating between stagnation (and a fixed mindset) or regeneration (that state of renewal, re-focus, and movement) which will guide the rest of life.

Sometimes people’s unwillingness to process the past and their life so far actually lands them in the stagnation camp. They live out the rest of their days resisting reflection, personal responsibility, and growth forward.

Sometimes people get stuck in the past, fixated on its wounds without processing them and they can’t move forward (and that lands them in the stagnation camp.)

Most people long to go toward health.

That is why they will move toward regeneration: a contemplation of all that has gone on before, a renewal and reconsideration of values, and readjustment based on what one now knows.

After all, we DO know so much more at 50 than we knew at 30.  By age 30, most of us had made significant decisions regarding what we would do for work, whether we would parent, who we would love. Then we proceeded to spend the next 15-20 years doing those things. After that amount of time, we realize -in a big way- that we are not going to be on the planet forever so we might want to make the most of the rest of our time here.

We might freak out a little over all the ways we’ve spent our time and energy up to this point. We might have regrets. Or grief.

Or something like that.

Midlife contemplation is inevitable.

All the fallout from a messy midlife contemplation is not inevitable though.

Whether you are the one floating in these rough waters or a loved one who affects you and your life is grappling with it, focused attention to all the aspects of this time of life can be much smoother with a counselor or coach.

But ya gotta find one who knows what she’s doing. 😉

I’m not the only one out there, but of course I’m recommending myself. Call or text me. Send and email. Just connect and let’s get started.

CONNECT

Even if what you really need right now is to ask a question. Click the button and connect. I’m happy to help.