Tag: Seasonal Affective Disorder

How to Resolve Conflict

Resolving conflict can be a fraught topic. Why is that?

You’re IN your relationships, so the movement, patterns, stresses and joys of them, are something you just DO and HAVE.

But there’s one thing that determines how healthy they actually are. Like most truly valuable things, it’s SIMPLE. You’ve probably heard me say that simple doesn’t automatically translate as EASY, but stick with me. 

Ready for it? This is the one thing that determines how healthy your relationships are:

It’s how you resolve conflict.

It’s not the ABSENCE of conflict in relationships that determines their happiness or health. Maybe you’ve heard me say one person made this way, moving through the world like so, with these core issues — plus another person made their way, moving through the world as they do, with their core issues MEANS conflict. Guaranteed.

One human + one human = conflict.

At some point. 

It’s inevitable. It’s human. And in fact, it’s psychologically healthy.

BUT! The singular thing that is a barometer of the HEALTH of your relationship is HOW well the two of you navigate conflict.

Here’s what happens when you don’t resolve conflict well:

You both create an undercurrent of unresolved tension. When this builds up over time, I call this Empathy Gridlock. That’s because, ultimately (even when you’re not aware of exactly what that thing is) you each want something from the other, but you’re not getting what you want in the relationship and so, neither of you budge giving the other what they truly want! Hence, Empathy Gridlock.

Sometimes people in this state agree to be miserable together. 

Some humans actually stay together in this state for quite a long time. We all know old couples who bicker like children, are general curmudgeons — at least one of them is — and they live out their lives never doing anything different.

But should YOU? I always side with people being as healthy as possible, so my answer to that is, “Oh my goodness, don’t do that when you don’t have to. Why would you!?”

Most of the couples who come to see me are in a state of Empathy Gridlock and we get to work busting the gridlock so they can get back to peace and relational joy. 

Some pairings don’t have decades of Empathy Gridlock built up.

Because a lot of my couples are mid-lifers who are re-mating after a divorce, these couples especially want to do something different with this new relationship. They want to be sure they know how to have a healthier version of a committed, loving relationship. 

They are smart! They realize it’s easy to fall into old patterns.

The first step is realizing your own tendencies.

What’s your usual way of addressing conflict?

Some people cope with conflict like so:

They avoid. 

This is easy to do. Just let the relationship fade away… Let it die on the vine. Wither from neglect. Allow it to shrivel and drop off.

I’ve been guilty of this. 

I can be a baby when my desire to avoid overrides a sense of maturity. That’s on me. It can be my tendency, for sure!

I’m not defending it, I just understand it from the inside out! Avoiding conflict is not a way to resolve it, since unresolved conflict can fester…or it can kill a relationship.

(Psssst, there are ALWAYS good reasons avoiding conflict is someone’s go-to response. There are also highly effective ways to truly heal those reasons. I know because I’ve done it myself. I’ve grown into being good at resolving conflict. If I can do it, anyone can. I’ll show you how if you decide to explore working together.)

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Others let conflict fester and then add to their own narrative.

This can make the chance for reconciliation even more remote and make the path back even harder. But it’s also a natural thing to do. 

This can be where the CNI comes into play. That Core Negative Image of the other is easily expanded and increased with their every move. More and more “evidence” of their flawed nature piles up.

You know what I’m talking about. It can be the difference between seeing your mate’s wet shoes parked half on the rug and half off the rug and thinking “GAWD, what a slob! He’s never careful with our wood floors!” or thinking something lighter like “Hmmm, look at that. He’s making such an effort to get the x,y,z task accomplished outside even in the rain.” 

One approach automatically gives the benefit of the doubt…and likely with an internal stance that the relationship is much more important than the floor. The other approach automatically reverts to the Core Negative Image of this person as “a slob.”

Even if he’s messy, untidy, or doesn’t prioritize keeping the wood floor dry… thinking in that way, even about tiny things can make it MUCH harder to work a repair that actually lasts..when more important issues arise. Build-up of the Core Negative Image over time ensures the pairing will have a very difficult time truly resolving anything.

Some people revert to perspective arguing to “resolve conflict.”

It never works. Perspective arguing is ALWAYS a losing strategy. And while it can come naturally, most of us want the other person to understand us, and it seems to “make sense” as the way to resolve things,  it is not effective!

In fact, when two people spend time taking turns explaining themselves, they walk away even more entrenched in their own way of thinking. There’s research proving this. Perspective arguing does not build rapport, respect, or understanding. 

In addition, perspective arguing often leads to an escalation of the conflict, and just serves to underscore the CNI.

In these instances, it’s common for individuals to have fantasy conversations with the other person.

Think about it.

Have you ever revisited an exchange again and again, thinking through what you wish you’d said?

Or maybe you’ve imagined an exchange long before it ever happens. Have you practiced what you’ll say and predicted the response?

Some people do so much imaginary communicating, they think they’ve actually already had the conversation. 

All of it, just ADDS to the Core Negative Image that’s rattling around in someone’s head.

Sad thing, no matter how well-intended you are, it’s nearly impossible to prevent someone else’s CNI of you! You cannot control their perception. 

The best bet? Resolve conflict well.

So, what happens when you DO resolve conflict well?

Everyone has their idea of how to do this better. Those ideas include communicating better, or explaining themselves more or explaining more clearly. Some people think it means learning to talk to their mate in a way the other has a better chance of hearing. Some people think it means trying harder. Or avoiding conflict more effectively to begin with.

All of that is important to some degree. So, yes to all of it.

It’s not where we start, though.

Why?

Because it doesn’t prevent Empathy Gridlock or genuinely get two people beyond their conflict as quickly as possible. What will?

Easy Conflict Resolution

When you do resolve conflict well, there are three simple steps.

  1. One or the other person offers a repair.
  2. The recipient accepts the offer for repair, if not immediately, then eventually. (Sooner is better than later.)
  3. The repair works! Effectively. Completely. 

When I say the repair works, I mean it does repair the relationship: it restores good feeling between the two, and it brings them back to peace and relational joy. In fact, accomplishing a complete repair instills more confidence in the relationship and it brings people closer.

The overall health of the relationship is apparent in HOW they manage and resolve the conflict.

The healthiest relationships work an effective repair in about 20 minutes.

Believe it or not, that’s about how long it takes for two healthy, mature people to be responsible and honest about their own stuff, to be vulnerable with one another, and to discover they still, yes, they still have a safe, cherishing, loving haven of a relationship with one another. 

I know that seems like very short order, and it truly is. Keep in mind this is between two whole human adults who have healed their residual trauma and have a good mastery over their core issues. 

They have done the healing work and they show up, ready for healthy relationship.

Lots of us have experienced that it can take days, even weeks, before there’s any movement toward peace. And look, you can’t control the other person, but you can do what you can do and then be genuinely at peace with your efforts. No matter what kind of relationship it is. No matter what kind of response you get.

So eventually, yes, what happens between two healthy adults is that they work through a conflict easily and responsibly in quite short order. This means between workmates, between friends, between parents and grown children, between siblings, as well as in intimate partnerships.

How are you doing resolving conflict?

If you don’t know how to do this, or you keep running into frustrations, I can help with that. Obviously, I’m not the only one who can do this, but I’d love to join you. 

I can’t think of a thing on the planet more important than helping people have truly healthy relationships. It’s what I do. I do this all day long. Every day. In every way I can think of making that contribution.

Why?

Because it’s JOYFUL. Literally. Full of joy. For me and for my clients.

Experiencing relational joy, not just a fleeting feeling here or there, is truly joyful and good. Real peace and harmony in relationships of all kinds is the absolute foundation to a happy, healthy, long, enjoyable, productive life. (There’s research on that as well- google the longest running Harvard Study on Happiness.)

Relationship conflict during the holidays can make everything worse.

Since there’s so much emphasis on family, on togetherness, and so many parties or gatherings or events to attend, gifts to buy, and so much cooking, and baking, and (around here at least) so much food to make and eat and give….

pressure can build up.

This is definitely the season when the state of our relationships is most evident. Unresolved conflict can feel even heavier.

Even if you don’t have a ton going on, it can be a low mood time of the year.

Darker days, colder temps, less daylight can all add to the challenges of the holiday season.

I don’t suggest starting big relationship work during the holidays. Wait to get to work until after the first of the year. Whether there’s a primary love relationship that needs to be much better. or you’re experiencing conflict in other relationships, you don’t have to ADD the stress of trying to change things right now.

But here’s what I can help with NOW:

  • If you want to get started identifying the patterns in a relationship and explore types of repair in your particular situation, we can do that.
  • If you’d like to prepare for a gathering, an encounter, a situation or circumstance, we can do that.
  • If you’d like some extra warmth and support because you’re feeling the loss of someone dear to you, I’m here for you.
  • If Seasonal Affective symptoms or depression are flaring, let’s address that.
  • If you’d like to set the groundwork for goals to meet in the New Year, we can get started on that now.
  • If you’d like to do a one-off, or a reset, or a refresh, we can do that right now.

I opened up more sessions on my calendar this week if you want to jump in. GO HERE to Schedule.

I’m looking forward to hearing more about what is going on for you. I’ll let you know exactly how I can help. Resolving conflict is a skill you definitely need. No matter where it applies, there’s a good solution. Let’s…BOOK NOW 

 

What to do if you’re anxious or depressed

If you’re anxious or depressed here are thirteen things you can do right now that will help. And that’s besides taking medication.

Note: medication can be helpful when you get the correct psychotropic drug. It can also be hard to find the right one and it can take at least two weeks for it to reach its full effect. Besides the wait, trial, error, and agony of having a medication not help, keep in mind you’re medicating your brain. And your brain is the most important organ in your entire body.

It can feel “easier” to pop a pill, but there can be side effects to medications, some of them lasting. Disclaimer: This is not about whether you should take medication or not take medication to treat anxiety or depression. In order to make that recommendation, you’d have to be my client. Rather, these are things you can and should do to enhance your brain health whether you’re taking medication or not.

Let’s start with the simplest additions first. Take advantage of these low-hanging fruits in order to feel better right now. As one of my mentors, Denise Duffield-Thomas, likes to say, “low hanging fruit is still fruit.”

Deep breathing fixes anxiety in minutes.

You’ve got this resource with you all the time. And if you’re feeling quite anxious or having a panic attack, it will take about three minutes for it to go away entirely. This is also good for regular maintenance and practice that helps depression dissipate. It just doesn’t work as quickly for depression as it will for anxiety. But it WILL work to lessen ALL distressing emotions in the moment. Use it!

Here’s how to do it:

Breathe in for three counts. Take in as much air as possible. Think about extending your belly, not your chest. Hold for one count. Blow all the air out for a count of six. Do it again, same pattern, until the feeling changes or the anxiety is gone. (If you want, you can breathe in for a count of four, hold for one, and exhale to a count of eight. The important thing is that your exhale is twice as long as your inhale.)

Drink filtered water if you’re feeling low or anxious.

Do it right now. Feeling anxious or depressed can be helped by drinking a glass of water. Sound silly? Try it and see what it does for you.

Many times when we’re feeling poorly, our mood experience is exacerbated by dehydration. Your brain is 75% water and needs to be well-hydrated to function optimally.

In fact, every cell of your body requires water. So, nourish your body with this easy resource. On a daily basis, your body needs as many ounces as half your body weight in pounds.

For example, a one hundred and fifty pound woman needs 75 ounces of water each day. If she carries a 16 ounce water thermos, that means each day she’d be filling it FIVE times. Not many people actually do that, so chances are very good, you’re not drinking enough of this clean life resource.

ADD nutrient-dense food to treat anxiety and depression.

Notice I say ADD. It’s much easier to add the superior than subtract the inferior. Focus on the good rather than trying to drop the bad.

This is a great principle to practice as you’re making any adjustment in lifestyle or habit. From a psychological standpoint, our human brains favor the idea of increasing, adding, and enhancing rather than deprivation, withdrawal, and going without.

No one is asking you to have less in your life or your daily food intake. Instead, start by ADDING nutrient-rich components.

Choose what appeals to you from these easy additions:

Avocado- add to toast, salad, eggs, or any time you’d add ketchup, tomato, or salsa. Sliver some avocado to go alongside.

Leafy greens- like spinach, kale, or mixed dark lettuce greens. You don’t have to eat these in a huge salad all by themselves if that doesn’t appeal to you. Go ahead and add them as a condiment to sandwiches, burgers, or make a small salad sprinkled in a yummy dressing to go alongside your lunch or dinner. Buying prepackaged mixes makes it easy to add this to your daily intake.

Fruits including cherry tomatoes. I like to call this Nature’s Candy. I know a certain 9-yr-old who favors eating an entire pint of cherry tomatoes over a prepackaged granola bar. Another 9-yr-old I love will do the same with a pint of blueberries. (Her parents definitely watch what she touches while eating). Maybe you’ve heard cautionary talk about the sugar content of fruits among nutritionists. Some regimens limit their intake. But, for heaven’s sake, ADD these. They’re delicious!

Pure Meat Protein – add at least one additional meal per week of an uncomplicated, (not breaded, minced, or processed) animal meat product (including fish). Examples are broasted chicken, lean steak, pork chops, tilapia, or salmon filet.

You don’t have to over-complicate these additions. If you don’t know how to cook them, keep it simple as you learn what you like.

For more ideas and the science behind why, HERE are 33 Nutrient Dense Foods to add.

Why Simple Approaches Are the Best Approaches

Does it sound simplistic or elementary that we’re treating anxiety and depression with water, breathing, and nutrition?

Think of it this way: the fuel you put in your body has everything to do with its performance. The human body is a machine, like a car, though much more complex. Certainly, you can get by for a time with sub-optimal fuel, but eventually parts will wear out.

The fact that you’re experiencing anxiety or a low mood is an indicator that parts are in sub-optimal condition. Now is not the time to shovel in the worst or easiest-available forms of fuel.

Think of breathing, clean water, and nutrient dense foods as a fuel additive that helps increase performance. Start there. It’s easier than you might imagine.

Then, if you want to make things a little more effortful, add these practices as well. All of them, added in any amount, will help treat depression and anxiety.

Meditation helps depression and anxiety.

This is easy. Meditation only sounds like a hard thing to learn to do. Here’s all you need to know in order for meditation to help manage anxiety or depression.

Set a timer for three minutes or so. Get in a comfortable, relaxed posture. Close your eyes if that feels safe, or just look down, keeping your neck in a comfortable posture.

Observe your thoughts. Without judgment.

That’s it. That’s your only goal. Just observe your thoughts without judgment.

Little by little, increase the time you spend doing that. And if you judge a thought or yourself, be gentle and return to non-judgment. Simply breathe and let go of the judgment. It’s not complex; don’t make it complicated. You don’t ever have to “be good” at this. Just give it a try.

Get the Calm app or another meditation app if you find you like someone else to guide you with words. I highly recommend Daily Trip with Jeff Warren on the Calm app. He does a great job teaching people how to meditate while they meditate.

Gratitude increases good mood.

This always sounds trite. And perhaps it sounds trite especially this time of year (I wrote this in November, heading into holiday season and winter here in North America).

But counting ones blessings always improves mood.

Start small. It can be ridiculous.

  • I’m glad I have ten toes and I can walk.
  • I appreciate being able to breathe without coughing.
  • Yay! The house has heat. (I haven’t turned it up this morning yet, but I’m so glad I CAN.)
  • I’m thankful for the Dawn dish soap because it really does cut the grease. (Could be an endorsement?)
  • My coffee is really tasty.
  • What a lovely microwave we have!
  • We can afford to buy rodent poison.

That last is to prove you CAN look on the bright side of just about anything. 😉

If you had to look around you right this minute and find three things- just THREE things to be grateful for- could you do it? Give it a whirl.

Some people like keeping a gratitude journal. I absolutely recommend it. If you already write in a journal, for a time, specify that you can only record things you’re thankful for. You cannot use your journal for complaints, negativity, or venting. See what shifts.

Now is the best time to start a gratitude practice.

And by practice, I just mean that it is something you do at the same time (or relatively the same time) each day. Some people start their day with gratitude, a prayer of thanks, a formal list they write down. Others make it a way to close their day before closing their eyes. Some talk about it over the evening meal or while tucking children into bed. Even if you live alone, you can make gratitude a regular part of each and every day. Remember, if you’re alone, no one can hear you talking to yourself anyway. You can get away with listing blessings out loud.

Phoning a Friend the Right Way

When you’re experiencing anxiety or a low mood and someone suggests calling a friend, the next “logical” thought is that you’ll be spending your time unburdening yourself or sharing your worry or despair. No. Don’t do that. I don’t mean that at all.

Call a friend to make a connection. Reach out and ASK what is going on in someone else’s life. Catch up. Listen to the “tea”. Spill some of your own. But don’t let the conversation be about your low mood or anxiety. The connection is the cure, not that they provide some other solution for you.

Listen to THEM. Then, if you’re so moved, DO something helpful. Or just get together for lunch or coffee. Go for a walk together and catch up. Making an actual phone call counts. Psst, texting might be a start, but it does not really count in making a connection, sorry. Pick up the phone and call.

Get Social; belonging alleviates negative impact of anxiety and depression.

Force yourself, if necessary, to GO DO a group activity. Maybe you’re already part of a group: at the gym, a civic club, a church, or recreation center. Participate! Even if you’ve been away for a very long time, no one will mind if you rejoin. They’ll probably be glad to see you, in fact. Just go. Then make it a regular part of your schedule.

If you’re not already part of a group, join one. You can choose something based on interest, (like pickleball- easy sport to learn, by the way- or crafting, hiking, whatever). Or you can choose something based on beliefs or values: a bible study, for example, a library group, a civic group, a cause you support or believe in.

Just get there. Join. Be part of something that gets your focus off yourself. Group affiliation and belonging is an essential need of human beings. Don’t worry about fitting in; just show up where you experience acceptance.

Then, while you are there, if unpleasant feelings or moods invade, use your deep breathing, drink water, or make a quick gratitude list in your mind. You have these easy resources with you all the time, so use them.

Get outside to improve your mood.

Even in these colder months in the Upper Midwest, when the temps are frigid and daylight is short (about 8 whopping hours right now,) getting outside on a daily basis can work wonders to improve your overall mood. Bundle up and sit out there in the morning light. Even three minutes of exposure can enhance your vitamin-D intake, lower the stress hormone, cortisol, and increase serotonin production. (Psst serotonin is a critical neurotransmitter psychotropic drugs try to target. Why not increase its production naturally?)

In addition, being outside can also improve your sleep by helping regulate your body’s natural circadian rhythm. This can make your waking hours more energized and alert and your nighttime hours more restful.

Here’s a great article for more information on additional Benefits of Spending Time in Nature.

Get moving. Exercise doesn’t have to be hard; just do it

If the Pandemic taught us anything, it’s that movement around one’s neighborhood counts as daily exercise. Go for a ten minute walk. Haul out the bike if weather permits. Even walking up and down stairs in your residence can count as exercise. Movement does not have to be complicated or fancy in order to count as exercise. Just move.

Sure, go to the gym and lift weights, or work out to a routine on YouTube. As I mentioned, pickleball is an easy sport to learn and participate in. Certainly, join a dance fitness class or take dance lessons at a studio. In fact, dancing was found to be one of the most effective treatments for anxiety and depression in this British Medical Journal Meta-Analysis of physical activities.

But, exercise does not have to be a big thing at all. All movement counts. Just move.

Practice good sleep hygiene to improve overall mood.

This means having a regular bedtime and bedtime routine. Start easy. You don’t have to do ten things as your bedtime routine. Make it the same THREE things you do each night. For example, go to bed at the same or a similar time. Brush your teeth. Say a gratitude out loud. Done.

In addition, you probably already know that the blue light of screen time before bed wakes your brain and nearly guarantees sleep disruption. If it’s hard to eliminate this for the recommended full hour before sleep, aim for 30 minutes of screen-free time before bedtime. In addition, sugar or alcohol will wake the brain after the carbohydrate burn-off. Good sleep hygiene means leaving some time between consumption and sleep. This includes all kinds of food. But you’ve probably already heard about that.

Here’s a secret shared by a sleep psychologist colleague: if you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, you’re better off getting up earlier, every single day, rather than trying to fix your evening sleep hygiene by going to bed earlier or changing your evening routine.

It might sound excruciating, but setting the alarm and getting up (not hitting snooze even once) will pay off when it comes time to enjoy sound slumber. In time, it will make it even easier to implement an evening sleep routine and address other aspects of good sleep hygiene.

The final three things you can do right now that will improve your mood are, perhaps, slightly harder to implement. That’s why I’ve left them for last. After all, I figure if you’ve read this far, you are serious about and committed to improving your experience with anxiety, depression, or low mood.

Save some money.

This doesn’t mean using coupons at the grocery store or getting a great deal on your oil change. And it’s the opposite of retail therapy.

I mean, simply, literally, regularly set aside a specified amount of money. Put it into a savings account. (Remember those?) If you already do this, great! Congratulations! You can focus on implementing the other things on this list.

But for the vast majority of Americans, there is NO savings. And having no savings increases feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, and low mood. Doing even a little bit of something about this has a beneficial effect. You get to decide how much that might be. It does not have to be a lot in order to take the pressure off and reduce cortisol levels.

Make it automatic so it’s not something you even have to think about. Then watch your dollars slowly add up!

Even $25 a week deposited into a savings account has beneficial effects. Start small. (Start even smaller if you want.)

Just make a pact with yourself that you will not touch that money unless there is an emergency.

Also, a shoe sale is not an emergency. 😉 Remember, this money is a cushion to protect your stress level, not an accumulation of money you get to use later on for retail therapy. If an emergency does arise and you need to use it, great! You’ve just used your emergency fund appropriately and you can start rebuilding it!

Keep daily input positive to protect your mood.

This means fill your listening, reading, and viewing with things that uplift, encourage, and enhance your life. You won’t eliminate the stress of daily living (some amount of stress is actually healthy) but you can control your exposure.

In keeping with the very first principle of addition being easier than subtraction, when it comes to what you consume with your eyes, ears, and brain, ADD the positive before you think about taking away the negative.

This means tuning into helpful, positive, useful, and uplifting podcasts, Tik-Tok channels, music, and commentary. It means curating your newsfeed on Facebook, X, or Instagram to include things of joyful interest. It means following those people who add something positive on a regular basis.

Of course, I’m not saying bury your head in the sand, but now, when the news stream is 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year and global, there is always something AWFUL going on with humanity. This is not denial of all the bad, but a realistic way of caring for yourself.

There’s plenty going right with humanity. You may as well find it and let it in. After all, you can’t control the world, but you can control your input.

Finally, when you’re ready, remember the higher level truths:

Finding meaning and purpose mitigate low mood and anxiety.

Human beings are incredible meaning-making machines. We make up stories, weave narratives, and then repeat them until we form beliefs. Many of those beliefs become negative and harm us more than help us. In psychology, we call those limiting beliefs. If you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, or low mood, I guarantee there’s a limiting belief or two running the show or at least gunking up the gears in your psyche.

Here’s what you can do: apart from those negative, limiting beliefs, define for yourself a deeper meaning in your suffering, a deeper meaning to your existence on the planet, and a purpose that guides you. Write it down. Keep it in mind.

You’ll be amazed how meaning and purpose make living through almost anything more than bearable. Meaning and purpose put anything in perspective. (Take Viktor Frankl’s book about surviving a Nazi Concentration Camp, Man’s Search for Meaning as one example.) Here are simpler ones:

This suffering is a human experience. I’m not exempt from pain. It’s my turn and I will get through this just as many before me have done.

I am here to uplift those I come in contact with.

I was born to enjoy the smallest, simplest pleasures and to point them out to others.

I am here to help my children and grandchildren experience acceptance and love.

If you need a guide in the short term, go ahead and use one of the above or create something that can shape your daily choices and existence right now. When you keep this declaration in mind, it’s easy to ask yourself if something is in line with your meaning and purpose or if it’s a distraction.

Make meaning and purpose your overarching guide through life.

All human beings want to believe that their life has mattered, made a difference, been significant, even if that significance is just to impact those closest to us. Stating ones meaning and purpose from an end-of-life perspective can be a powerful driving force. Think about this as something you hope to contribute to life on the planet before you die.

For example:

I am working to improve the way counseling is practiced.

I’m here to help humanity evolve into a better, wiser, and more sophisticated species.

My objective is to change the generational experience of violence and chaos.

I’m here to reflect the Divine and to practice kindness and respect at all times.

Notice that these broader-reaching goals may seem lofty, out of reach, even unrealistic in some ways, especially given present anxiety, depression, or low mood. Even so, they form an effective protective barrier against complete despair and demise.

Finding purpose and meaning works wonders for every person on the planet.

Trying to live without meaning and purpose guarantees struggle and unnecessary pain.

Take a little time to define what gives your life meaning, what guides you purpose. Even if it is tiny and seems insignificant in the moment, grab hold of it. Even if it seems lofty and preposterous, keep it in front of you as a guide. When you do this, it helps you do all the other things listed above.

SECRET: If you’ve read this far and you’re feeling quite brave, navigate the list by starting with writing out a statement of your own meaning and purpose. Once you’ve done that, it makes it easier to choose how you spend your time, energy, and resources while you’re on the planet.

Keep everything simple for the greatest impact.

Notice I’m suggesting you keep EVERYTHING very simple. Oftentimes, when we’re experiencing anxiety, low mood, or depression, we tend to over-complicate the remedy. We think we have to do everything differently out of the gate. That’s not at all realistic and it sets us up for failure.

Choose a few things from the list of thirteen and implement them over the next days. Then add a few more items. If, after experiencing some improvement, you notice still other factors are missing from your life, revisit those areas and find a way to incorporate them.

All of us need assistance.

No one is an island. We are helped by those around us. When you’re managing your moods, having someone remind you of all the things you can do to improve them can be absolutely vital.

Just as getting a coach to teach you how to play pickleball is smart, or having a personal trainer at the gym is the thing that gives some the edge, you may need a mental health professional to help keep you on track and accountable.

I’m not the only one who can help, but of course, I volunteer. Let’s explore if working together is the logical next choice for you. And don’t worry; most people do not need to enter therapy long-term. With the right help, there is a logical graduation from therapy as well.

Get on my call schedule so we can spend time chatting about how I can help.

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